I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
