at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
