There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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