I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
