FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i now understand why vodka
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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