on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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