i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He kissed a someone with a penis
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
