Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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