Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
