So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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