we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
