He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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