I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
