I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
