Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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