Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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