Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
