I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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