Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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