Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
why is half of my head shaved?
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