Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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