how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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