Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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