I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
