Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
