you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
