saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
