Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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