My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
