you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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