Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
