the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize