At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
