he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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