dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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