When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
