Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
