thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
