You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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