i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
