i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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