I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
