last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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