last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
