We're facebook friends in real life
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
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I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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