how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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