Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
