he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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