Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
