Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
