Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
