My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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