I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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