I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
