we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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