he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
