it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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