WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
