i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
