Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
