He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
